Just a few thoughts tonight

These have been building and building until they have to come tumbling out….

Life goes along pretty normally.  I grew up, got married, had a few kids.  I tried to do what I was supposed to do – be nice, pay my bills, help my children to be good people.  But then Joy came into our lives and I learned a lot about unconditional love.  Real love – the kind that adores a child because they exist, not because she’s ever going to graduate with Honors or go to college or marry or have children – because she probably won’t do any of that.  But I love her.  I adore her.  I learned and learn more every day.  And then Bella came.  And then the learning really began.  I have learned that life is not normal for a lot of families.  There are so many people out there that would kill to have their child be as normal as Joy.  There is a love out there that cares for kids who will never do anything, except breathe and smile at their parents through beautiful eyes.  There is a powerful and raw love out there that doesn’t care what their child looks like or how long they will be here in this life.  Being Bella’s Mama has allowed me to peek at some of these parents and see this amazing, God-like love.  It puts things into perspective for me.  Things like sports, music, grades – they are important and they matter…but really they seem so trivial when I think about these kids and the love their parents have for them.  We once had a Stake President that said something along these lines.  When a baby is born we say that all we want is for them to have ten fingers and ten toes and to be healthy.  Then they grow up.  Why does our love change?  Why does it become conditional?  Why do we need them to succeed?  Of course, we want our children to progress that is what life is all about.  But are we really progressing – truly, eternally progressing if we are focused on those earthly achievements?  What happened to that unconditional love we had when they were babies?  Flying around in my gray matter is a notion that Heavenly Father loves us more like those amazing families out there who tirelessly serve their little ones day and night and not like us mortals who need concrete evidence and realized expectations.  I’m glad for what I’ve seen.  Because if this life is really about progression, then I’m so grateful to have Bella in my life to teach me about love and how to become more like Heavenly Father.