More Thoughts, Skip if You Want :)

I’ve been thinking about the Parable of the Ten Virgins.  When darkness came it was too late for the virgins to prepare and no one could give them oil.  That was the way it was last year for me.  I was, thankfully, ready.  As much as you can be for something like that.   I do the things I know to be true.  I had the oil.  I needed that oil.  Then  was not the time for me to learn to read my scriptures, say my prayers, fast, and go to the temple.  While I was doing those things last year, it was all the previous years that had prepared me for what was to come.  (This is not to say that hard experiences don’t bring us to the Father – they do.  Sometimes we have to be brought low to rise to the heights He sees for us.)  Scenes flash through my mind that still take my breathe away.  I am just so grateful that I already knew.  I already knew God lives and He hears prayers.  I knew He could give me strength to make it through the seconds, the moments, the days ahead.

Now I am trying to fill my lamp again.  I am finding great strength in the Book of Mormon, in the Bible, in my prayers, in the temple.  I have to fill my lamp for the next thing, whatever it may be.  I am trying to find healing.  But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to lose the tenderness of the feelings I have experienced – perhaps some of the rawness, but I don’t want to forget.  I don’t want to forget the pain, the shock, the bewilderment, the feelings that take away my breathe.  I want to remember.

I think part of our mortal journey is (and I pause and hesitant to type this) is to break our hearts.  That in the rebuilding of the broken heart we have choices.  How will we sew it all back together?  Will we choose bitterness (thought about that path, trying so hard to steer clear) or will we allow the Master Healer to take our lives and knit us a new heart – one He wants us to have.  One that is tender and compassionate.  One that is totally devoted to Him and to returning to our Father’s presence.  I’m hoping that is the path I am on.  I hope.

Another cool song:  Healer by Kari Jobe (it’s #2 on the playlist here if you want to listen to it)

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, I trust in You

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, Lord I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe

I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

You’re my healer