The Deed is Done

Today Jessi and Lizzy were registered at Theiss Elementary.  I felt like I was going to vomit the whole time I was there.  Then I asked to speak to the Vice-Principal to let her know about our current family situation and to beg for kind, nurturing teachers for my babies.  You know that voice that people use when they are trying so hard not to bawl their eyes out and still talk at the same time.  Well, that was me.  The VP was very kind and sympathetic.  She reassured me that they will take care of them.  I’m sure they will be fine.  I’m sure their teachers will be good, kind women.  Yet I cried all the way home.

This evening I went for a run.  I have started to run since coming home a month ago (with a week and a half break while I was too sick to breathe).  I need the exercise to fight all this stress.  After six months of sitting in a chair, my training is slow coming, but I’m sticking with it!  I need it.  While running, I thought  about how I like the feeling when I get in the rhythm and my feet seem to spring up as they hit the road.  Then I thought, I should be able to do this because my Dad was a runner and my brother was a runner.  I’m my Father’s daughter, I can do this.  Then I thought about my girls and signing them up for Theiss.  So much of my self-image is wrapped up in being their home schooling mom – and now that is gone.  Everything seems to be falling away.  Another huge chunk of my self-image was working with the youth, and I lost that at the beginning of the year.   Who am I?  What do I do anymore?   Then I thought that I am my Father in Heaven’s daughter and I have worth.  Based on my Parentage alone, I have worth.  I thought of Bella and how even if she never does anything more than just lay in that bed the rest of her life, she has worth.  I love that girl!  She is priceless.  So then I thought, I am my Father’s daughter and even if I’m not the “home schooling mom of the year” or Mother of the Year to any of my 6 babies, I have worth.  I am my Father’s daughter.  I am a child of God.  I don’t know what I’m going to learn this year, but I’m my Father’s daughter, I can do this.